Alice Cooper

Alice Cooper is as salacious and sinister as ever with his latest album, one chronicling the methods and madness of a serial killer called Spider. What Spider does as he lures his unsuspecting prey into his basement is the stuff of softcore goth, but Cooper spins the story with menacing glee, and — thanks to buddies like Slash and Ozzy Ozbourne clambering aboard to give the album some vim — makes this a relatively entertaining, if eventually unspectacular, enterprise.

The album’s Prologue, ”˜I Know Where You Live’ has Cooper trying embarrassingly hard to sound like his vintage self. It’s a punchy accessible track, with nothing really standing out. As a number meant to set the tone for Cooper, it’s a standard-issue intro that really doesn’t get its hooks in you.

Things get demonic early on with ”˜Vengeance Is Mine’, kicking off with a trademark Slash riff, and his noodling guitar helps the initially shaky paragraphs settle into some coherence. The barely-there repetitive lyrics don’t help, but the guitar works solidly, inevitably evoking rosier nostalgia: a Slash solo will always be a Slash solo. Right after this, however, the song phases into a different, creepier mode, and ends on an intriguing note, setting the stage well for the next track.

For ”˜Wake The Dead’, Cooper hands guest vocalist Ozzy his beloved harmonica, and the effect is instant. The two old-school devils bring home the metal, the loony “Give me a redhead/ Give me a brunette” lyrics suiting Cooper himself more than his fictional Spider. A slight Chemical Brothers hangover at the bassline for sure, yet this is overall a racy, solidly entertaining track.

The rest of the tracks don’t match the Ozzy-Cooper high. ”˜Catch Me If You Can’, going on and on about an evil Spider, ought be optioned for an upcoming Venom comicbook movie, but the track doesn’t grow on you as much as desired. Cooper teases lyrically with ”˜(In Touch With) Your Feminine Side’ and ”˜Wrapped In Silk’ — a randy mating call, and a snarled ‘yes-tonight’ seduction respectively — crafting them as tracks which amuse because of the Spider’s conceptual theme running loosely around them.

Deftly dark, Cooper ambitiously takes on a couple of faux-ballads ”“ ”˜Killed By Love’ and ”˜Salvation’ — which aren’t half as haunting as they need to be, coming off like rejects from the Iron Maiden For Pre-Teens songbook. The wonderfully demonic ”˜I’m Hungry’ is a keeper, though, even if it sounds nothing like classic Alice. The beat is addictive, and Cooper’s found his own slithering groove. Heck, Johnny Depp could play Spider.

That potential has been squandered comes across loud and somewhat clear with tracks like ”˜The One That Got Away’ — where daughter Calico plays a victim who fatally shuns him just as he was willing to let go — and the surprisingly effective Epilogue, ”˜I Am The Spider’. This is where we finally get a glimpse into Spider’s leggy machinations, right from the tantalising look-at-me lyrics ”“ “I’m your healer/I’m your dealer” — the raunchy chorus and a chilling spoken word bit that works so well it’s a wonder it only comes in at the very end. In a thrilling aside, Spider even talks to Steven — from 75s ”˜Welcome To My Nightmare’ — but they really ought have spoken more. Then again, Cooper’s probably saving the real madness for the tour. After all, nobody likes a psychopath without style.