Demi Lovato Re-Adopted ‘She/Her’ Pronouns Because Explaining ‘They/Them’ Was ‘Exhausting’

For Demi Lovato, the process of figuring out their gender identity has been mostly explorative but also tiring. In May 2021, the musician announced that they identify as non-binary and would use they/them pronouns going forward. Then, just over a year later, they shared that they’re also comfortable using she/her pronouns, citing that she had been feeling more feminine. Now, in a recent interview with GQ Hype Spain, she revealed that in reality, using both she/her and they/them pronouns just meant she didn’t have to constantly explain herself to people.

“I constantly had to educate people and explain why I identified with those pronouns. It was absolutely exhausting. And that is one of the reasons that have led me to also feel comfortable with the feminine pronoun,” Lovato explained in the interview, translated from Spanish. “I just got tired. But for that very reason I know that it is important to continue spreading the word.”

Sam Smith made the switch to they/them pronouns in 2019 after coming out as non-binary. “I understand there will be many mistakes and misgendering, but all I ask is you please please try,” they wrote on Twitter at the time. Lovato shared a similar sentiment a few months after their own switch, tweeting: “If you misgender me — that’s okay. I accidentally misgender myself sometimes. It’s a huge transition to change the pronouns I’ve used for myself my entire life. And it’s difficult to remember sometimes!”

In 2021, Halsey also announced that they would be using she/her and they/them pronouns interchangeably. “The inclusion of ‘they’ in addition to ‘she’ feels most authentic to me,” she told fans at the time. “If you know me at all, you know what it means to me to express this outwardly. Thanks for being the best.”

What it boils down to, essentially, is not attempting to become a spokesperson for the right or wrong way for artists, or anyone for that matter, to understand their own personal gender identity. It’s more about making space for everyone who finds themselves on the same complicated journey, which inherently includes wrestling with the process of marrying one’s internal perception with the world’s external one.

“For example, in public toilets. Having to access the women’s bathroom, even though I don’t completely identify with it. I would feel more comfortable in a genderless bathroom,” Lovato explained to GQ Hype Spain about where this friction most commonly appears. “Or it also happens when filling out forms, such as government documents or any other where you have to specify your gender. You only have two options, male and female, and I feel like none of that makes sense to me. I see myself conditioned to choose a woman because there are no more. I think this has to change. Hopefully with time there will be more options.”

This was the same example they pointed to when first announcing how they would like to be perceived moving forward. “Especially last year, my energy was balanced in my masculine and feminine energy,” they said. “When I was faced with the choice of walking into a bathroom and it said ‘women’ and ‘men,’ I didn’t feel like there was a bathroom for me. I didn’t feel necessarily like a woman. I didn’t feel like a man. I just felt like a human.”

Earlier this year, rapper Lil Uzi Vert discussed their own decision to adopt they/them pronouns in-depth for the first time since adding them to their Instagram account in 2022. “I never hesitated, but I did take my time to learn as much as I could about this before I was able to proceed,” they explained in an interview with 032c Magazine. “Taking the time to figure out who you are is a big part of what it means to be alive. Once you figure out whether you’re here with it, there with it, or both, you’re not alone anymore.”

From Rolling Stone US.