Jack White Seeks to Break Record for ‘Most Metaphors in a Concert’

Jack White

Jack White vented his frustrations with the Guinness Book of World Records in the latest issue of Interview, telling interviewer Buzz Aldrin ”“ yes, the astronaut ”“ that their ruling body rejected his submission of a White Stripes concert in 2007 consisting of only one note as the shortest gig in history.

“There’s nothing scientific about what they do. They just have an office full of people who decide what is a record and what isn’t,” says White. “Most of the records in there ”“ who has the biggest collection of salt-and-pepper shakers or whatever ”“ are just whatever they want them to be. So with something like the shortest concert of all time, they didn’t think whatever we did was interesting enough to make it a record.”

Officials at the Guinness Book explained their case to the NME, saying that while they acknowledged the White Stripes in the 2009 edition, it resulted in an onslaught of applications from other bands, which made them realize that “the nature of competing to make something the ‘shortest’ by its very nature triviali[z]es the activity being carried out.”

White isn’t giving up on the Guinness Book. In a statement released last night, the rocker announced plans to attempt to break the world record for most metaphors in a single concert on his tour in support of his new solo album Blunderbuss. The language of White’s press release is very snippy, noting that “White and Third Man Records are certain that the extremely scientific and intricate analysis of the metaphors that occur will be examined in accordance with Guinness‘ usually very thorough methods probably, or at the very least if somebody answers the phone at the pub.

“Third Man Records encourages all attendees of said concerts to please not interfere or interject with any metaphors that they witness occur during the show as to not disqualify or worse yet, trivialize the metaphor in question,” the statement continues. “In addition all concert attendees are encouraged to entice as many metaphors to occur during the show that they possibly can as long as they don’t endanger themselves or Mr. White.”