95th Academy Awards made for a long night, running over three-and-a-half hours, and was packed with plenty of moments, from the sublime to the huh?!
Michelle Yeoh at the 95th Annual Academy Awards held at Dolby Theatre on March 12, 2023, in Los Angeles, California. Photo: Rich Polk for Variety
By CT Jones, Marlow Stern
Things started off rough for Hugh Grant at the Oscars, courtesy of an incredibly salty red-carpet interview with model Ashley Graham — complete with an eye-roll coda from Grant, who seemed very annoyed to be there — and ended in wonderfully droll fashion, as the self-effacing Brit, while presenting with his Four Weddings and a Funeral co-star Andie MacDowell, quipped: “We’re actually here to do two things. The first is to raise awareness about the vital importance of using a good moisturizer. Andie’s been wearing one every day for the last 29 years. I’ve never used one in my life.” Then came the punchline: MacDowell is “still stunning,” while Grant cracked he’s “basically a scrotum.” – Marlow Stern
Jerrod Carmichael had set a high bar when it came to Tom Cruise-Scientology jokes. While hosting the Golden Globes, Carmichael joked of Cruise returning his statuettes in a show of solidarity, “Hey, guys backstage I found these. [It’s the] three Golden Globe awards that Tom Cruise returned… Maybe we take these three things and exchange them for the safe return of Shelly Miscavige?” (Miscavige is the wife of Scientology CEO David Miscavige, and hasn’t been seen in public in ages.) Kimmel took a lighter jab at the Top Gun: Maverick star, offering, “Everybody loved Top Gun. Everybody. Tom Cruise with his shirt off in that beach-volleyball scene? L. Ron Hubba-Hubba.” – Marlow Stern
What must have been a brutal FYC campaign finally paid off when Ke Huy Quan tearfully accepted his Oscar for Best Supporting Actor. While the award wasn’t enough to make me forgive Jamie Lee Curtis for immediately winning over Angela Bassett, Quan’s moment was an iconic way to mark a return to Hollywood. Since Everything Everywhere All At Once became a frontrunner at the Oscars, Quan has been vocal about how much the film has changed his life. “Dreams are something you have to believe in,” he said in his speech. “I almost gave up on mine. To all of you out there, please keep your dreams alive. Thank you, thank you so much for welcoming me back. I love you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
Now, we want him booked and busy immediately, Hollywood. No excuses. – CT Jones
The Oscars was already on thin fucking ice for the snubs of Till’s Danielle Deadwyler and The Woman King’s Viola Davis and Gina Prince-Bythewood. To have Angela Bassett lose AGAIN? It immediately set the tone for the rest of the award show. Jonathan Majors and Michael B. Jordan said it best: “Hey, Auntie. We love you.” – CT Jones
When host Jimmy Kimmel brought out Jenny the Donkey, Colin Farrell’s hoofed scene partner in The Banshees of Inisherin, the camera cut to Farrell, who shot the lovely little mammal a look of pure affection and joy. Find someone who looks at you the way Colin Farrell looks at Jenny the Donkey. Too bad the film itself went 0/9 on Oscar night. – Marlow Stern
Ruth Carter already knew how to make history. In 2019, she became the first Black person to win the Oscar for Best Costume Design. It’s only fitting that she once again made history tonight, by becoming the first Black woman to ever win two Oscars. (Also, bombastic side-eye that it took till 2023 to make this happen). – CT Jones
Kudos to the Academy for allowing meme lord Pedro Pascal to — along with Elizabeth Olsen — present the Oscar for Best Animated Short, because it allowed us to hear him utter the title of one of the nominees: “My Year of Dicks.” Listen, we’ll take what we can get. Now let’s all catch up on that first-season finale to The Last of Us. – Marlow Stern
Leave it to Lady Gaga to glam herself up for the Oscars, only to abandon her gown, makeup, and earrings, throw on a black T-shirt and jeans, and go out on the Oscars stage for a poignant rendition of her Top Gun: Maverick anthem “Hold My Hand.” She even included a sweet message for the audience and those watching at home: “We all need each other, we need a lot of love to walk through this life. We need heroes sometimes. There’s heroes all around us. You might find that you can be your own hero even if you feel broken inside.” We love a relatable queen. – Marlow Stern
Between the trips into the camera frame and her voice, we genuinely hope Elizabeth Banks is OK. That being said, not sure we needed an extended Cocaine Bear bit. If you’re going to shove a grown adult into a warm bear suit on Hollywood’s biggest night, the least they could have done was smear some white powder on his face for kicks. Also, get a job! Leave Malala alone! – CT Jones
No one could imagine that host Jimmy Kimmel’s Oscar-night crowd work would take him to Malala Yousafzai, the Pakistani activist targeted by the Taliban (and Oscar-nominated executive producer of the documentary short Stranger at the Gate). Kimmel approached Malala and asked her a supposed fan question: “Your work on human rights and education for women and children is an inspiration. As the youngest Nobel Prize-winner in history, do you think Harry Styles spit on Chris Pine?” Malala seemed visibly uncomfortable. Then, if that weren’t enough, he had the aforementioned Cocaine Bear bother her. Hasn’t she been through enough? – Marlow Stern
Rihanna’s unborn baby is once again already getting invited to more prestigious events than most of us could dream of. But the singer’s performance, from its heart-wrenching introduction from Black Panther: Wakanda Forever star Danai Gurira (offering her remembrance of the late, great Chadwick Boseman) to its soulful sound, made its mark on the entirely-too-long awards show. – CT Jones
OUR LONGEST YEAH BOI EVER. It was such a heartwarming moment to see Halle Berry, the first Black woman to win the Oscar for Best Actress, present Michelle Yeoh, the first Asian winner, with her award for Best Actress. In Everything Everywhere All At Once, the legendary Hollywood actress proved that talent has no age, and gave everything as Evelyn, the multiverse’s biggest superhero. “For all the little boys and girls who look like me watching tonight, this is a beacon of hope and possibilities,” Yeoh said, accepting the award while the EEAAO cast sobbed in the audience. “This is proof that dreams come true. And ladies… never let anybody tell you that you are past your prime.” – CT Jones
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