Six Things We Would Have Loved To See At The Oscars

John Travolta Gets Handsy With Idina Menzel. Photo courtesy Tumblr user donniedoodley

Imagine actor Rosamund Pike in character as Amy Dunne at this year’s Academy Awards. The audience would have been subjected to a little less of Neil Patrick Harris’s puns and left clinging to the edge of their seats before every award announcement. The Oscars (or any big awards night) don’t do that anymore. A number of things that should have gone smoothly at this year’s ceremony just didn’t. We’ve put together a set of awards that we’d like to give away

Worst Creep Award.

John Travolta managed to turn out to be the biggest creep at the show this year. After infamously announcing Idina Menzel as ”˜Adele Dazeem’ at last year’s ceremony, Travolta joined Menzel on stage, but then proceeded with an inordinate amount of face-stroking after apologizing to her. On the red carpet earlier, he even placed an unwarranted kiss on Scarlett Johansson’s cheek and put his hand on the new mother’s belly ”“ a move that got him the stink eye from Johansson.

Best Manhood Award.

Boyhood lost out to Birdman, the lesser favorite of the two, in the Best Picture category. To rub it in further, Richard Linklater also lost out to Alejandro González Iñárritu for Best Director. It’s man up time for the good folks at the Academy Awards. Boyhood deserved those wins. Iñárritu’s dark comedy is a stellar film, worthy of its win. But come on, how many times will the Academy get a chance to acknowledge a movie that took 12 years to make? Maybe not for another dozen years, now. It’s also time for all those who’ve been mourning the Boyhood snub to man up. Look, it’s a tradition with the Oscars: To let losers win.

Worst Snub Award.

Selma, driven by excellent direction and powerhouse performances, was nominated for a paltry two awards at the Oscars ”“ Best Picture and Best Original Song, the latter of which it won. At the least, it deserved Best Director and Best Actor nominations for Ava DuVernay and David Oyelowo respectively. But wait, that would mean nominating a black woman for Best Director for the first time. Ever.

Worst Speech Award.

Which brings us to the host of the evening, the how-can-you-hate-this-face Neil Patrick Harris. Harris had a few bright moments, especially those where he was doing what he does best ”“ singing and dancing, and looking cute. But most of the evening was dominated by his lackluster stage presence and dry puns that fell flat on their face (“Edward Snowden couldn’t be here, for some treason.”).

Best Jerk Award.

In a now internet-infamous move, Sean Penn cried out “Who gave this son-of-a-***** a green card?” while presenting the award for Best Picture to Birdman director Alejandro González Iñárritu. While Iñárritu later laughed it off saying he found it hilarious, that didn’t stop him from making a point to center his speech around immigrant rights, and social media from dishing out on Penn. A classic jerk move by the actor in a night otherwise dominated by social rights advocacy.

The ”˜You Don’t Need Any More Nominations’ Award.

The frequency with which Meryl Streep features in nominations at the Oscars almost makes it seem like some sort of strange, annoying tradition. This year, Streep received her umpteenth nomination with a place in the Best Supporting Actress category for Into the Woods (yeah, what?). Really, we could think of several other actresses who could’ve taken that fifth position in the category. And we did.