SRK Tries His Best, but Even His Oomph Can’t Save ‘Pathaan’

Pathaan

Cast: Shah Rukh Khan, Deepika Padukone, John Abraham, Dimple Kapadia, Ashutosh Rana

Direction: Siddharth Anand

Rating: ★★

Showing in theatres

Pathaan, written and directed by Siddharth Anand, is a big-budget, 146-minute long, globe-trotting spy drama that is mounted on a grand scale, is ambitious but confused. The film has slick action sequences, lots of star power and glamor, but is bogged down by a ridiculous plot, clichéd writing, terrible dialogue and very little human drama. 

The film is needlessly heavy on convoluted details and has just a few fun moments, one of which involves another Bollywood Khan we know as Tiger.  

But, first things first: Deepika Padukone’s much-discussed orange bikini remains orange in Pathaan, and Shah Rukh Khan with his man-bun and chiseled abs looks very hot.

Pathaan, produced by Yash Raj Studio’s very special branch, YRF Spy, has no story. It has what we can call an American phobia plot, wherein the country, in this case hamari Bharat Mata, is under threat. The threat here is linked to Bharat sarkar‘s move to strip Jammu & Kashmir of its special status, i.e. abrogation of Article 370. 

The moment this news breaks, it irritates one Pakistani ISI/Army official, who immediately calls up a man called Jim (John Abraham), and asks him to make India suffer.

This Jim gentleman nurses an old, deep grudge against India, and sets out to attack India.

But as he does so, an Indian agent, Pathaan (Shah Rukh Khan), is activated by a senior, posh-looking Indian security officer, Nandini (Dimple Kapadia), and is told to make sure no harm is done to India or Indians.

The film travels hither and thither as Pathaan tries to get to Jim, and Jim tries to kidnap some VIP Indians. All this involves flying around into various countries, fight sequences requiring choppers, moving vehicles, guns, goons and one Dr Rubina (Deepika Padukone). We are not told what she is a doctor of, but this ISI agent drinks, dances, and while sometimes she romances Pathaan, at other times she flirts with Jim. 

One gent is immune to her charms, while the other melts at her touch.

Jim’s plan to attack India requires a green liquid called Rakt Beej that for some reason is lying in a heavily guarded vault in Russia.

Rakt Beej, in case you are wondering, is a deadlier than the COVID-19 virus, and Pathaan’s mission is to stop Jim from unleashing it on India.

More fighting, this time in a moving train, over ice, and a little later with Jim and Pathaan flying around wearing those wide-span action man wings.

Shah Rukh Khan tries his best to give the film some oomph, but manages just two-three seeti maaro moments because he and the film are dragged down constantly by dull, clichéd, filmy writing.

For starters, Pathaan can’t decide what it is. 

It takes a Hollywood type of desh-khatre-mein-hai concept, spends a lot of money on it, but gives the characters and plot silly Bollywood treatment. Pathaan, an orphan, gets a mummyji in his boss (played nicely by Dimple Kapadia), and a very special Afghan family after he chucks a stone at a missile and saves kids in a madrassa.  

Where the writers get Pathaan right is in its politics. The film makes a lot of jingoistic noises about Bharat Mata and Hindi, but it has a secular heart and kabhi-kabhi it puts India in Pakistan ki baahon mein, and kabhi-kabhi Pakistan and India are in a love lock. 

But the rest the film’s writers botch up.

Pathaan has terrible dialogue, and though it attempts humor, most of its jokes don’t land. They drop dead, splattering the floor with their bloody innards.  

The movie’s first half is especially tedious because as the film travels to Spain, Russia, France, Pakistan, Afghanistan and Dubai, it also moves back and forth in time, and there’s an overload of information with lots of meaningless, boring chatter. 

We hear of Boko Haram, Outfit X, and listen to a discussion about Japanese pottery’s kintsugi technique as the film tries to sell us the concept behind a special security department, JOCR, that Pathaan is a part of. This part of the film feels like someone is trying to explain the plot and characters by reading a PowerPoint presentation.

The interesting thing is that though Pathaan is dragged down and made dull by the Bollywood, filmy treatment it gives to its plot, when it fully embraces its Bollywood soul, it rises and shines. A sequence that comes immediately after the interval and involves another Bollywood Khan paradropping into the film, making Pathaan crackle to life and smile. 

I was laughing while watching this scene, but it felt like I was watching another film, the one that Yash Raj should have made instead of this one.

Pathaan needed more of this Khan-Khan jugalbandi and masti. But what we get instead is a thain-thain fest where the film’s three lead actors dress, kick and fly like plastic action figures. We are unable to connect with them because none of them feel real or fully formed. They remain simulations of characters created with a look, chiseled bodies and some one-liners. 

Shah Rukh Khan and Deepika Padukone look sexy, and Shah Rukh Khan and the other Khan’s chemistry is quite delightful. But Pathaan is so dull that at times I found myself appreciating John Abraham’s acting. Imagine!