‘The Little Mermaid’ Remake Boasts One of the Worst Disney Songs Ever

Disney’s latest Live-Action adaptation, The Little Mermaid, is here! As per studio standards, it is a significant expansion of the 1989 animated classic, increasing it by a whopping 52 minutes. Everything about this film is bigger than its predecessor. Bigger, mind you, but not better.

Part of the increased runtime comes from new music; there are three new songs added to the mix — “Wild Uncharted Waters,” “For the First Time,” and “Scuttlebutt.” There’s also an additional reprise for the classic “Part of Your World,” as well as lyrical changes/omissions to two of the original songs: “Poor Unfortunate Souls” and “Kiss the Girl.”

The prospect is tantalizing. The 1989 film is a legitimate masterpiece, and its songs, from composer Alan Menken and lyricist Howard Ashman, are perhaps the film’s greatest strength. Every one of them has stood the test of time, and that’s rarely clearer than in the stunning new rendition of “Part of Your World,” courtesy of our new Ariel, the wonderful Halle Bailey.   

On the surface, the songs in both versions of the film are similar — all the songs from the 1989 classic appear here, save one (“Les Poissons” is nowhere to be found). It’s a shame because that song is hysterical, but its visuals of a chef massacring fish would likely be far too grotesque in live-action. Menken has returned to compose, but since Ashman passed away in 1991, songwriting duties have been handed to Lin-Manuel Miranda, responsible for some wonderful music in Disney films like Moana and Encanto. So, what could go wrong?

First up is “Wild Uncharted Waters,” which seeks to expand Eric’s character beyond what we’ve previously seen. It’s largely about Eric feeling stifled and restricted, and how his run-in with Ariel holds the key to his future happiness.

Drawing the parallel between Eric’s pull to the ocean and Ariel’s draw to land is brilliant in theory, but it would have been far better delivered through dialogue rather than a damp power ballad, especially since “Wild Uncharted Waters” has none of the emotional heft delivered through Bailey’s phenomenal rendition of “Part of Your World.”

Plus, the whole issue of Eric feeling trapped is drastically undercut by the fact that his mother, just moments before he began singing, told him he can never get on a ship again. But sure enough, just a few seconds later, he’s singing on… a ship. It’s hard to believe the gist of Eric’s plight — that he’s unable to live life as he wants — when he’s doing exactly what he wants while singing about his so-called restrictions.

“For the First Time,” gives Bailey the chance to show off more of her vocal talents — a smart move since she’s far and away the best part of the movie. The song explores how Ariel feels now that she’s on land. It’s certainly the best of the new additions, and that’s largely thanks to Bailey, who sings it so beautifully and fills it with personality. The issue here is that it feels more like narration than an actual song. Most of what Ariel is singing is exactly what’s on screen, merely telling us everything we can see with our own eyes. Great musical numbers dive beyond the surface, but “For the First Time” just reinforces what we already know. It’s sweet but inconsequential.

I don’t believe you can sue someone for aural trauma caused by terrible music, but “Scuttlebutt” would be worthy of a criminal trial. Howard Ashman’s musical philosophy was that every song should propel the story forward, and songs needed to have a purpose: a character only sings when words alone cannot suffice. “Scuttlebutt,” however, is the very antithesis of Ashman’s songwriting, delivered via an ear-piercing rap.

It’s not that rap can’t be part of this world. Before Hamilton, nobody would have thought that rap would fit in 1700s America, but Lin-Manuel Miranda proved them wrong. It could have worked here too, if “Scuttlebutt” wasn’t so sloppily written and didn’t sound like a personal attack on everyone’s eardrums. It’s a cacophonic mess with lyrics about beaks (?) and fat pigeons (??). It technically has information that moves the plot forward, but it’s muddled so dramatically by utter nonsense that it feels more like an anchor, stopping the film dead in its tracks. The song finds Miranda unable to resist his own impulses, favoring rapid lyrical exposition over meaning, serving his own desires over the story itself.

If any child decides that this song is their favorite and wants to listen to it on repeat — that’s likely, as kids don’t have fully developed taste buds — then there will be a sea of furious parents directing their ire at Miranda. There’s no sugar-coating it: Excluding the virulently racist songs in Disney’s canon, “Scuttlebutt” represents the absolute nadir of the studio’s massive musical catalog.

Mercifully, the sensational “Poor Unfortunate Souls” has no changes to its lyrics, but it does omit a crucial verse. In fact, the very best line of the song is no longer present: “Don’t underestimate the importance of body language!” Gone, too, is Ursula’s explanation of how men up there don’t particularly care for a woman who speaks her mind, and she’s actually better off unable to make a sound.

As Alan Menken explained to Vanity Fair, that section of the song has disappeared because it “might make young girls somehow feel that they shouldn’t speak out of turn.” But this reveals a poor understanding of both the song itself and Ursula as a character. Ursula is a villain — of course we shouldn’t trust anything she says! But Ursula’s musical tirade about how men don’t value women on the surface reveals a key part of who Usrula is. This cynicism is central to her character, and these omitted lines tell us so much about why Ursula is so distrustful and keen to manipulate. But in the film’s desire to offend nobody, it’s removed one of the most insightful accounts of the way women are mistreated in society. Taking it out dumbs down not only Ursula but everybody listening.

For “Kiss the Girl,” the original lyrics, “Possible she want you too / There is one way to ask her / It don’t take a word / Not a single word / Go on and kiss the girl” are revised to “Possible she want you too / Use your words boy, and ask her / If the time is right and the time is tonight / Go on and kiss the girl.” The new lyrics are supposed to make it clearer that Eric kissing Ariel is consensual, and that Eric isn’t coercing her into anything. 

These changes, however, are nonsensical. Anybody watching the 1989 version can clearly see that the kiss is something both characters very much want. Not only that, but it’s Ariel who wants this kiss more than anything in the world. Ariel is the one who leans in and puckers her lips, but Eric is too nervous. She dramatically huffs and puffs when Eric doesn’t kiss her. There’s never any doubt, in either film, that a kiss would be desired by both parties.

It feels like an attempt to try and get ahead of a controversy that doesn’t exist. In fear of backlash, these changes to “Kiss the Girl” reek of a corporate desire to scrub art of any potential to ruffle feathers.

This desire to be safe and avoid even the slightest possibility of offending anyone runs through the music of The Little Mermaid. Great art seeks to strike up a conversation, but these new songs seem desperate to do anything but make people talk about them. It feels like lifeless corporate synergy, which is the precise opposite of the fiery passion of Menken’s original compositions and Ashman’s specific yet universal words.

From Rolling Stone US.