The Rolling Stone Interview: AR Rahman

Do you ever regret choosing music over another professional career?

Yes and no, I’m slow at a lot of things. For instance, my speed when I write e-mails could be better. It’s just one word or two words. And as for music, there was always a hole in my thinking ”“ that I’ve missed out something great and I’m going to suffer in the future. A musician was never taken seriously back then. There was the idea that musicians were bohemian and it stuck in my head. And that’s why when I was playing for Ilayaraja I realised that he was not that kind of guy. He never womanised, he never used to drink, he used to be a saint, sitting there and creating great music. So the image of a musician at the time was completely different from what I saw. I think that was a great thing. It was great that this alternate kind of image existed.

What did your folks at home think about your working in films?

Home is what pulled me in ”“ my mother had this killer instinct that I should become a musician.

How was it to compose an entire soundtrack for a film – Roja – after jingles and other film work?

After I got spiritually influenced by Sufism, my way of thinking about music totally changed. It was no longer ”˜I am going to do this piece,’  ”˜I am going to compose.’ I was waiting for spiritual inspiration ”“ this is when the whole thing changed. I could see the change. I could feel the change ”“ the way of thinking, the philosophy, everything changed. With Roja there was something major happening. I just realised that it was not worth doing commercials alone, you’re working so hard but still you’re nothing in the eyes of people. I felt the importance of doing something concrete. I used to hate movies at that time. The only person I probably admired was Mani Ratnam and when I got an opportunity to work with him, it was like divine intervention again. Once I got to know him as a person, I felt that there was something special happening here.

How did your  working style change?

I had to leave all my other work ”“ the film sessions, commercials, everything ”“ just to get into the frame of mind for this particular film [Roja], to get the sound of it. That was not easy because I used to get paid quite a lot of money at that time. And suddenly I discovered I didn’t even have money for petrol because this film didn’t pay much ”“ it was a very low-budget film ”“ and the money which I got at that time for six months is what I used to earn in a day.

When did the conversion to Islam happen?

It wasn’t overnight. It was almost a five year process between 1988 and 1991. 1991 was the year when I converted.

Why Islam?

I remember my father suffering. He was taken to eight or nine hospitals, including the CMC Hospital in Vellore and the Vijaya Hospital in Madras. I saw him suffering physical pain. I remember the Christian priests who would read from the Bible beside his hospital bed. I remember the pujas and the yagnas performed by the pundits. By the time, the Muslim pirs came , it was too late. He had already left us. After my father passed away, for some years when I was a teenager I believed there was no god. But there was a feeling of restlessness within me. I realised that there can be no life without a force governing us… without one god. Then in  1988, one of  my sisters fell seriously ill and numerous attempts to cure her failed. Her condition progressively worsened.  My family tried everything from medicine to religious methods like havans and prayers in the church. We had given up all hope when we  contacted  Sheik Abdul Qadir Jeelani or Pir Qadri, as he is known. We had earlier gone to the Pir when my father was ill, but it was to late to save him. With his prayers and blessings, my sister made a miraculous recovery.  That is when our whole family made the decision to embrace Islam. I changed my name from A. S. Dileep Kumar  and became Allah Rakha Rahman. Islam has given me peace. I found what I was looking for in Islam. I would go with my mother to dargahs. And pirsaab Karim Mullashah Qadri would advise us. When we shifted to this house, we resolved to stick to the faith. Islam has given me peace. As Dileep, I had an inferiority complex. As AR Rahman I feel like I have been born again.

The story behind your studio also has a connection with the Pir.

In 1989 I wanted to set up my own studio so that I could have a dedicated recording facilities where I could not only  have the latest  equipments but also experiment with music.  At this time, the Pir came to my house in Kodambakkam and blessed me and said I would attain unparalled success. The very next day the Pir passed away.  I  decided to establish my studio at the very spot where I was  blessed by the Pir.

What is the link that you find in Sufism and music?

Well, there are so many things in life which confuse you and you have to focus on one thing. The philosophy of Sufism is about tauheed. It says that god is one and the ultimate love has to be given to God and because of that love you have to love other people because everybody is his creation. So it’s very simple, it makes you focus on everything, appreciate everybody, bar any religion ”“ because the soul of God is in everyone. This philosophy fascinated me so much and had so much of truth in it. Again, Sufism and music is so connected. There’s always a controversy about music and Islam, some say it is haram yet they have melodic ringtones on their mobile phones [laughs]. There are a lot of changes that are too focussed on facts than wisdom. I think the problem with the world is that there are too many problems and no wisdom.

Did your earlier experiences with bands open you up to stage shows? Give you more confidence?

No, every time we performed we never got the right sound. So that’s why most of the bands performed only once. Even my music, the film music. It took me a while to convince myself that ”˜Oh yes we can do it.’

Were there insecure moments on stage?

It’s always a nightmare. I had a nightmare that I was singing and suddenly all my notes flew away and I went la la la la la.

You were anxious about ”˜Pray for Me Brother.’

Yes, because it’s the first time I was singing in English. I’d play the track to my friends abroad and they’d be like ”˜Hey, who’s this singer?’ and I’d say why and then they’d say he sounds good and then I’d tell them it’s me and they refused to believe it.

Have you had glitches on stage?

I was singing ”˜Ma Tujhe Salaam’ in Sydney and the teleprompter went off. The girl who was operating the teleprompter got so excited that she started listening to the music and forgot to get to the next line. I was stuck at the line “Tere Paas”¦”